Peter Dybing has released his Top Ten Pagans list for the year! As many of you know, Peter has been a friend not only to the show, but to most of our individual members. The wonderful thing about friendship is that when all the hubbub that was caused with his post on calling attention to the health of the pagan community shortly after Dave’s death, we could talk about hurt feelings that came about. We’ve never been in a position with Peter to consider cutting ties to him just because we disagree with his approach, or maybe a point of view. All of us view Peter as a tremendous asset to the Pagan Community, and love him for who he is.
But Peter’s post seems to have spurred a bit of Dave drama all over again. Someone seems to think that they have some super insight to the mind of Dave Grega (and it seems Peter Dybing as well). In Star Foster’s new blog, Pink Beyond Pink she writes about the “Legacy of Dave”. Most of her writing came as a bit of a shock to us.
We had thought that this misconception was cleared up in the beginning, but we shall restate: Nobody but his close friends and family know everything that encompassed Dave’s passing. Dave went above and beyond to keep a lot of his health issues private for the most part, and we (his friends) find there’s no reason to spread out his dirty laundry in some misplaced cry for attention.
None of us know what Dave would say now. He was always a surprise, even to those of us that were close to him. Though, seeing as how he started PHAT (Pagans for Healthy, Active Tendencies) we don’t really see him being all butthurt over a talk of health in the community. If you listened to the show in the past, Dave was not exactly for the “love yourself the way you are” kind of mentality. Maybe he would have called Peter out, maybe he wouldn’t. The world will never know, though for some reason there are a few that feel that they should continue to speculate. Is it that difficult to leave the dead in peace without using them to further imaginative stories?
Dave had his faults and one of them was a bit of paranoia; randomly burning bridges without a valid reason wasn’t. All of us will be the first to say Dave was an asshole, he made it into an artform. But those of us who knew Dave also knew that those he held closest and in the highest regard were those he could not only take his cynicism, sarcasm and snark but those that also have enough intelligence to retaliate and not set the proverbial bridge on fire because they were too busy being offended to continue the conversation with some type of dignity. He didn’t bend moral compass to allow for behavior he didn’t approve of. Dave had a love of truth, no matter how inconvenient. Dave would often try and work things out his own way, which seemed be just more abrasive than the average person. He didn’t care if anyone approved of his choices, and THAT was part of what he was proud of.
While there is a lot of talk about Dave being lost amid the “fat shaming”, there was no loss among those of us that were close. We cried, talked, laughed, shared memories, and mourned. I can’t count the number of messages and phone calls that we have received that continue weeks after his passing. There were a number of individuals, a few of which Dave had rubbed the wrong way at one time or another, that offered their condolences and any help we may need. Unfortunately there continue to be a select few that share their grief out of one side of their mouth and spew lies and trash-talk out of the other.
There are a very small number of us that were privy to his thoughts on death and life. It’s hurtful to see someone putting words in his mouth as if they had some deep connection. Whether anyone else thinks so or not, the fact that the Pagan Community has shifted is part of Dave’s legacy. The fact that there are so many podcasts still in going and new ones popping up is part of Dave’s legacy.
So in traditional PCP fashion, we’d like to share this little tidbit